Yep, you guessed it.

there is a maths exam tomorrow, And I'm sitting on my floor with my laptop, a cup of tea, a digestive biscuit, and a toffee harvest cheweee bar (fuck off spell check that's the brand name)

which inevitably means I'm going to type about hopefully something interesting for a bit to avoid doing maths revision.

first topic: WTF.

okay aside from the 'how is that a topic' thing, hear me out. Okay so I got given a laptop. But what I may have ceased to mention is how I ended up with it. main basis; my nan and her husband, Jon went on holiday to Australia, and while they were there. Jon's dad died. obviously a harsh thing to happen to you while you're holiday because it makes it hard to enjoy things, anyway he died I'm told very peacefully In his sleep, which considering he had dementia was probably a blessing. I digress, he had three laptops I'm guessing in case one broke or whatever. And apparently one had already been promised to me. so in short, my nan's husband's dad dies, I get a laptop. I have nothing to say. (lies)

second topic: Uncertainty.

As I've always thought it was the source of all my problems, because it is. I thought it deserved at least a good paragraph. so. I'm 16, I've only lived for 16 years. Uncertainty is gonna be a big part of my life right? you know in pretty much every aspect and situation, makes sense the more you think about it, with self esteem and confidence issues-being unsure of yourself, with peer pressure-looking to others for guidance (and getting used). So it all links back to not knowing some things. About yourself, or other people. Or just anything. But something genius was put to me a couple of months ago. Will I miss it ? this point was put to me by an adult I should say But it really made me think, will I miss it ? maybe I will, or rather how do I know that I'm not going to miss that feeling of not having the faintest idea what to do about something. Or how to fix it, or how to tell them, or if I even should tell them. . .it goes on.

third topic: self love

always a good thing to have. Provided it isn't verging on being in love with one's self, that's just a little bit weird. And no one likes an egotistical person.

''you can't love another until you love yourself'' now as someone who does try to stick with this (and fail) I'm gonna find it difficult arguing against it. But here goes. Most of the entire teenage population are gonna have self esteem issues to do with something, I'm guilty of it And I know of others that are, But I've noticed that people by default are going to feel better about themselves if they've got a lovely other person in their life telling how beautiful they are, and how lovely they are to be around.This even by me cannot be denied, and sure there may not even be that much harm in it. But surely it becomes a problem when one person looks to another to receive self confidence.

Now I refuse to use the dreaded 'C' word after having finished all my english exams for now anyway, but that's basically what this is. (ha flossy is sleeping on my parents bed and she's soaked from her walk earlier LOL). You always want what you don't have, to an extent anyway.

okay I think that's it.

O&O