I've been seeing a common thing happening recently; for the purpose of this it refers to relationships ending or suddenly becoming hard work, however more broadly it could simply apply to fear.
Just two nights ago, I watched my close friend come apart over her boyfriend of two years and then some deciding he didn't know if he wanted her anymore. It seemed incredibly surreal that I felt as helpless watching her have a meltdown as she probably did going through it, watching all of her previous mental health problems and fears that had seemed to be getting better completely possess her, after all his ''not knowing'' pushing her over the edge she finally decided to officially end it she then went and had sex with a guy, the day after...
Everyone demonizes this act as a dangerous thing to want or go though with, I personally would try to avoid it that soon, but I more than understand that being what you may desire; after the person who always wanted you no matter what you looked like, always looked after you and made you smile and a cup of tea when you were upset is ''unsure'' if they love you anymore. I have never thankfully had to go through this one particular type of hurt before. But I know watching her almost completely dissolve into a 5 year old delusional violent mess tore me up, my stunning, tall, charismatic, compassionate friend who I am now running out of adjectives for; reduced to a person I would try to get admitted if I didn't already know her; Fear does some seemingly impossible things to the human mind, can alter your entire personality even.
My seemingly favourite fear is fear or cause of self sabotage, recently the most amazing person came into my life, and now I really hope never walks back out again; because he proved me wrong, it can be easy, maybe not effortless but there is never a day I'm with him that I'm not made to feel appreciated and a while ago I didn't think I would ever even experience it.
O&O
